Hey Evo parents,
My little one, Leo, is almost 9 months old now, and lately, he’s really started flexing his ‘no’ muscle – without actually saying the word, of course!
It started subtly. For instance, he used to be a pretty good eater, trying most things we offered. But this past week, if he doesn’t like a spoonful of pureed carrots, he’ll actually purse his lips tight, turn his head away dramatically, or even bat the spoon away with surprising force. Yesterday, I tried to offer him a toy he was playing with just minutes before, and he pushed my hand away with a definite “eh-eh-eh” sound and a shake of his head. It wasn’t frustration, it was pure, unadulterated refusal.
It’s kind of amazing to watch him develop this agency. On one hand, it’s great to see him communicate his preferences so clearly. On the other hand, it’s also a new layer to navigate – especially when it’s something simple like wanting to finish a diaper change, and he’s suddenly decided he’s done.
We’re trying to acknowledge his ‘no’ when it’s safe and appropriate (like not forcing a food he clearly doesn’t want), and gently redirect when it’s something he needs to do (like the diaper change, often with a quick song or distraction). It’s made me wonder a lot about how we respond to these early signs of independence.
How did your babies start communicating their ‘no’? And what are your go-to strategies for respecting their boundaries while still getting things done?
Oh, this is SO relatable! Leo sounds like he’s really finding his voice, even without the words yet. It’s truly amazing to see them develop that agency, isn’t it?
My little one, Maya, just turned 8 months, and while she’s not quite at the ‘batting the spoon’ level of refusal, she’s definitely perfected the art of the ‘no’ head shake when she doesn’t want another bite, or just clamps her mouth shut like a tiny vault. And if she’s decided she’s done with tummy time, she’ll just go completely limp, which is its own kind of protest!
It’s such a weird mix of pride (look at them developing!) and, honestly, a little bit of ‘oh no, here we go.’ I’m already wondering how we’ll handle it when it gets even more pronounced, especially with things that absolutely have to get done, like a messy diaper change. You mentioned using songs or distractions for those moments. What kind of songs or specific distractions tend to work best for Leo? Sometimes I feel like I’m running out of material by the third change of the day!
Oh, Leo sounds like he’s right on schedule for this stage! It’s absolutely fascinating, and a little bit challenging, when they start flexing that independent muscle without the actual words. You’re seeing the very first signs of him understanding his own body, his own preferences, and that he can have an impact on his environment – which is actually a huge developmental leap, not just ‘being difficult.’
What matters most at this age isn’t about setting up a power struggle or ‘winning’ against a baby. It’s about respecting their emerging sense of self where you can, and gently guiding them through the non-negotiables. You’re doing exactly right by acknowledging his ‘no’ when it’s safe. If he doesn’t want the carrots, that’s fine; offer something else or try again later. It teaches him that his communication matters.
For those ‘must-do’ moments like diaper changes or getting into the car seat, distraction truly is your best friend. Their attention spans are still so short, you’re not ‘tricking’ them, you’re just redirecting that burgeoning will. A high-pitched voice, a quick song, a silly face, or even a preferred toy held just out of reach (but quickly given once done!) can often get you through. We always had a specific ‘diaper song’ that was just for those moments, and it really helped set the tone for getting through it quickly and cheerfully.
Another angle to consider, especially as he gets a tiny bit older, is offering limited choices for things you want him to do. Not for the diaper change, but for other things. “Do you want the blue cup or the green cup?” “Do you want to play with the blocks or the car first?” This gives them a sense of control and agency, even when the overall situation (e.g., playtime, eating) is already decided by you. It’s a great way to respect their budding independence while still guiding the day.
Oh wow, this is so incredibly relatable! Our little guy, Finn, is 9 months too, and it feels like he just discovered his inner director. He’s less about batting the spoon but more about pursing his lips so tight you couldn’t get a molecule of air in there, or just doing a full-body flop like a ragdoll when he decides he’s done with whatever we’re trying to do.
It really is that weird mix of ‘look at him developing!’ and ‘oh no, here we go’ that Curious Parent described. And Second-Time Parent’s point about it being a huge developmental leap, not just ‘being difficult,’ really helps me reframe things when I’m feeling a bit frustrated during a wriggly diaper change.
We try the distraction thing too for the non-negotiables, like making silly noises or singing a quick song, but sometimes I feel like I’m running out of material by the end of the day! I’m also finding it tough to gauge when to gently push through with a distraction versus when to truly back off and respect his ‘no,’ even if it feels inconvenient or like he should do something (like finish his solid food, even if it’s just a couple more bites). Does anyone else struggle with consistently making that call? How do you know when their ‘no’ is just a fleeting preference versus a genuine boundary you should respect even more?
That’s such a great way to put it – seeing this as a huge developmental leap rather than ‘being difficult’ really shifts the whole perspective for new parents, doesn’t it? It’s exactly right. They’re discovering they’re a separate person with their own will, and that’s something to celebrate, even when it’s inconvenient!
To build on your point about respecting their emerging sense of self, especially for those wondering about how to tell a ‘fleeting preference’ from a ‘genuine boundary’ – I think a big part of it comes down to listening to the intensity of their communication.
A casual head turn from a spoon might just mean ‘not that one, or not right now.’ A full-body flop, a deep frown, or persistent pushing away might signal something more. When it comes to things like food, if they consistently turn away, close their mouth tight, or push the spoon away, they’re probably done. Pushing a couple more bites won’t do much good and can actually make mealtimes more stressful for everyone later on. Trust that they’ll eat when they’re hungry.
For the non-negotiables, like diaper changes or getting into the car seat, that’s where your strategies of distraction and limited choices really shine. You’re not ignoring their ‘no,’ you’re acknowledging their desire for autonomy within the necessity. ‘I know you don’t want to get your diaper changed right now, buddy, but we gotta get you clean and comfy!’ (and then straight into the song or silly face). It helps them understand that some things just need to happen, but you still hear them.
The goal isn’t necessarily to always get them to say ‘yes’ (or indicate it), but to teach them that their communication is heard, and sometimes, you can pivot, and sometimes, you’ll guide them through it. That trust is what really matters in the long run.
Oh, Leo sounds like he’s really stepping into his own! This whole conversation is incredibly validating, because our little guy, Ben, just hit 8 months and it feels like he’s been taking notes from Leo on how to express his displeasure. For us, it’s definitely the full-body arch backwards when he doesn’t want to be picked up or put down, or the completely limp noodle during a diaper change, which is its own special kind of challenge!
I really appreciate the points about reframing it as a developmental leap rather than ‘being difficult’ – that honestly helps me take a breath sometimes when I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the resistance. It’s so true, they’re just figuring out their voice, even without words.
I’m still trying to navigate that line, too, between respecting his ‘no’ and needing to get things done. The distraction techniques for non-negotiables (like diaper changes) have been a lifesaver, and I’ve started making up silly little songs just for those moments, like the ‘stinky bum bum song’ – no prizes for creativity there, but it sometimes works! 
But I find myself really grappling with the food aspect. If Ben turns his head away from something, I try not to push it. But sometimes I wonder, if it’s a new food, how many tries is enough before I take a break from it entirely? Like, if he consistently purses his lips and bats away the spoon with pureed sweet potato for two meals straight, do I offer it again the next day, or put it aside for a week and reintroduce? I worry about creating negative associations, but also want him to try everything! It’s such a tricky balance, isn’t it? What’s been your approach to introducing foods they initially reject?