Hey Evo fam,
My little one, Leo, just hit 6 months, and it feels like every new stage brings a fresh wave of advice – from my parents, my in-laws, random people at the grocery store, even my super-opinionated uncle who hasn’t been around a baby in 30 years.
Most of it comes from a good place, I know. People just want to help, or they’re sharing what worked for them. But sometimes it feels like a firehose of conflicting information, or just stuff that doesn’t quite fit our family or Leo’s personality. We recently got into a discussion about when to start solids – should it be purees or BLW, this food or that food, and suddenly everyone was a pediatrician! I found myself nodding along, trying to be polite, but also feeling a bit overwhelmed.
We’re trying to figure out what works best for us, taking some things, leaving others. But it can be tricky to navigate these conversations, especially with people you love.
So, for those of you who’ve been there (or are still there!), what are your best strategies for gracefully sifting through all the parenting advice? How do you listen respectfully but still stick to your gut, or politely steer the conversation away when you need to?
Oh, Evo fam, this is such a classic stage! That 6-month mark with solids discussion turning into a mini-pediatrician convention? Absolutely been there. It’s like a rite of passage for new parents, navigating that firehose of well-meaning (and sometimes not-so-well-meaning) advice.
First off, give yourself a huge pat on the back. The fact that you’re even thinking about sifting through it all, and trying to figure out what works for Leo and your family, means you’re already doing the most important thing: you’re being an attentive, thoughtful parent. That gut feeling you mentioned? Hold onto that – it’s your most valuable compass.
What I learned pretty quickly is that most of this advice isn’t actually about your baby. It’s about the person giving it. It’s their experience, their anxieties, their way of showing love or feeling relevant. And that’s okay! It helps to create a little mental filter.
Here are a few strategies that helped me, especially with the people you love:
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The Smile-and-Nod with Internal Filter: This is your bread and butter. Let them speak, smile, nod, and internally, just let it wash over you. You don’t have to agree or commit. A simple, “Thanks, that’s an interesting perspective!” or “We’ll definitely keep that in mind” is usually enough.
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The “We’re Exploring” Approach: For topics like solids, where there are genuinely different valid approaches, you can say, “We’re really enjoying exploring different methods with Leo right now and seeing what he responds to.” It acknowledges their input without shutting it down, but also signals that you’re actively in the driver’s seat.
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The “Leo’s Own Pace” Line: This is a great one for almost anything. “Leo’s really showing us what he needs and we’re just trying to follow his cues.” It’s hard to argue with a baby’s cues!
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Polite Deflection: Sometimes, you just need to change the subject. “That’s a good point! Speaking of food, did you try that new restaurant in town?” or “Oh, before I forget, how was [their recent event/hobby]?”
What truly matters is that Leo is loved, fed, safe, and that you and your partner are feeling confident and connected. The specifics of purees vs. BLW, or what exact food comes first, are far less important than the overall health and happiness of your family. You are the expert on your baby. Trust that.
It gets easier, I promise. You’ll develop your own shorthand and your own confidence in politely navigating these waters. How do you find Leo’s personality is starting to shine through these days?
Only consider advice from parents whose kids you genuinely admire. For everyone else, a polite nod and ‘thanks for sharing’ is usually enough.
Oh, that’s such a straightforward way to put it – ‘only consider advice from parents whose kids you genuinely admire.’ I really like that as a guiding principle, it helps cut through a lot of the noise for sure.
I guess where I sometimes get a bit tangled is when it’s advice from family members I do admire as people, but maybe their parenting style isn’t quite aligning with what feels right for us, or their kids are just so different from Leo. It feels a bit harder to just ‘smile and nod’ with them without feeling like I’m being dismissive, especially when they’re really trying to be helpful from their perspective.
Do you find you use that same filter even for your closest family, or do you have a slightly different approach for them?
Yes, the core principle holds even for family. Acknowledge their input with ‘Thanks, we’ll consider that,’ then shift the conversation or simply state your current plan without debate.
That’s a really good point about the core principle holding even for family. I guess I’m still trying to figure out how to make that ‘we’ll consider that’ land without feeling like I’m putting up a wall with someone I genuinely love and respect, even if their parenting style isn’t quite ours.
It feels like there’s an extra layer of emotion when it’s family, you know? Like, they often feel a deeper sense of investment in what you do.
What do people do when family members keep circling back to the same advice, even after you’ve politely acknowledged it? Or when they directly ask, ‘So, did you try that thing I suggested?’ I find those follow-up questions are where I sometimes fumble a bit, trying to be honest but also maintain boundaries.