Hey Evo dads and moms,
Lately, it feels like our little guy has gone from ‘generally agreeable’ to ‘expressly opinionated’ overnight. It’s fascinating seeing his personality really emerge, but it also throws a wrench in our usual flow sometimes.
He’s suddenly got very strong ideas about what toy he wants to play with (and only that one!), which book we read, or even who gets to put him in his sleep sack. Yesterday, for example, he absolutely refused the yellow cup, which was his favorite last week, and only wanted the blue one. Then for lunch, he barely touched his purée because he was fixated on trying to grab the banana slice directly, even though he usually loves the purée.
It’s a clear sign of him growing and making choices, which is awesome. But I’m curious, how are you guys navigating these strong (and sometimes sudden) preferences? Do you lean into them, or try to gently redirect? Any tricks for when they get really stuck on one thing?
Oh, the preferences! We lean into them where it’s easy and offer limited choices elsewhere. For cups or books, I’ll hold up two and let him pick, which usually satisfies the need for control.
Oh my goodness, I could have written this post myself! It’s so true how they go from just accepting things to having such strong ideas – almost overnight, like you said. Our little one is doing something similar, and it’s both adorable and completely exhausting sometimes, isn’t it?
I find myself doing a mix of leaning in and redirecting, depending on my energy levels and how big of a ‘hill to die on’ it feels like in that moment. For example, if it’s the cup color, sure, grab the blue one! But if it’s something like only wanting to play with the car they’re already holding and completely ignoring the other five toys, I sometimes wonder if I’m enabling a very narrow focus. Or if I should be gently encouraging them to explore other things.
How do you all decide when to just go with the flow versus when to gently nudge them in a different direction? Especially when you’re feeling a bit drained and don’t have the mental bandwidth for a power struggle over a banana or a specific book?
Simple Tips, that’s such a great way to think about it – limited choices can be a lifesaver! I totally agree. What I’ve really learned through the years watching little ones navigate this stage is that these strong preferences, whether it’s the blue cup or the one specific toy, aren’t usually about the item itself. It’s about them realizing, ‘Oh, I have an opinion! I have a choice!’ They’re just figuring out their own agency.
So, when you ‘lean in’ and let them have the blue cup, you’re not spoiling them or enabling a narrow focus. You’re actually validating that budding sense of self, which is a HUGE developmental milestone. Picking battles wisely really comes down to this: if it’s not a safety issue, a core value, or seriously disrupting a necessary routine, the ‘choice’ itself is almost always more important to them than the actual thing they’re choosing. It saves you so much energy too, because these intense preferences often shift as quickly as they appear. Letting them feel heard in the small stuff builds trust and makes the bigger things easier down the road.
Simple Tips, that’s such a smart strategy – offering limited choices! We’ve found that super helpful for things like which book to read or even what color spoon to use. It really does seem to satisfy that little drive for control, which is so strong right now, isn’t it?
I’m curious, though, how do you handle it if they just don’t want either of the two limited choices you offer? Like, they look at both options, grunt, and still point to the thing they initially wanted that wasn’t part of the ‘choice’? Sometimes I worry if I keep offering new limited choices, I’m just teaching them to hold out for what they really want, or if I should just pick one of the original two myself and move on.
Limited choices are so smart. It gives them that control without us losing our minds over every tiny thing.
Yes, Simple Tips, that limited choices approach is gold, isn’t it? It really helps diffuse those moments. I think what’s so powerful about it is that it’s less about the actual cup color or book, and much more about them discovering their own agency and ability to make a choice. They’re realizing they have a voice, and that their preferences matter. It’s a huge developmental step, honestly! So when you hold up those two options and let them pick, you’re not just ‘satisfying control,’ you’re actually fostering their sense of self and competence. It builds such a great foundation for them to feel heard and respected in the long run. And those strong preferences often come and go pretty quickly, so leaning in when it’s easy really saves everyone a lot of stress!