Been thinking a lot lately about how much my life has changed since our little one arrived – he’s 9 months old now. It’s awesome, don’t get me wrong, being a dad is the best gig. But man, I used to love spending a few hours on the weekends tinkering with my old car or getting out for a hike. Now, those things feel like ancient history.
Most of my free time is either dedicated to baby duty, catching up on sleep, or chipping away at the never-ending chore list. And honestly, when I do get a moment, I’m usually too wiped out to properly engage in something that requires focus or effort. It feels like a part of my old self has just been put on pause.
I know this is a pretty common experience for new parents, especially dads who might have previously had more ‘solo’ hobbies. I’m not looking to reclaim my whole life back overnight, but I’m trying to figure out how to keep a little piece of my own identity, outside of ‘dad,’ alive.
How have you guys managed to keep up with your personal interests or hobbies since becoming dads? Did you find ways to adapt them, or did you discover entirely new ones that fit better with baby life? Or is it just a phase where hobbies take a backseat, and you just embrace it?
Yeah, it’s a huge shift. For me, it meant letting go of the idea of a long session and aiming for micro-sessions instead. Even 15-20 minutes a few times a week adds up and keeps that part of you alive.
Hey man, totally get where you’re coming from with this. My little one is a bit older now, but those first couple of years felt exactly like that – just constantly juggling sleep, baby, chores, and any ‘me’ time felt selfish or, honestly, impossible to even muster the energy for. I remember trying to read a book and just falling asleep after two pages!
The micro-sessions idea Simple Tips mentioned is really solid. I think for me, beyond just finding the time, it was also about adjusting my expectations for what a ‘hobby’ session looked like. Instead of a full afternoon tinkering with something, it became 20 minutes of tidying tools while the baby napped in the carrier nearby, or just looking at the car and making a mental plan for the next tiny chunk of time. Not the same, but it kept that connection alive, you know?
It definitely feels like a big mental shift, letting go of the ‘old way’ of doing things. I also found that some hobbies just don’t fit anymore, or at least not for a while, and that’s a tough pill to swallow sometimes.
Have you guys found that certain types of hobbies adapted better than others? Like, something you could pause easily, or maybe something you could even do with the baby involved in some way? Or did you just have to switch gears entirely for a bit and pick up new, more ‘parent-friendly’ interests?
Shift to hobbies with instant on/off switches. Think reading a chapter, listening to a podcast, or even just planning your next car project for 10 minutes. It’s about keeping the spark, not the full session.
Oh man, I could have written your exact comment about the energy drain and trying to read only to fall asleep! It’s so frustrating when you finally carve out a moment and your brain just… checks out. And yeah, that mental shift of letting go of the ‘old way’ of doing things – it’s a huge part of it, isn’t it? I keep thinking, ‘This isn’t really tinkering with the car if I only get 15 minutes to stare at the engine,’ you know? It feels almost like cheating my hobby.
I’m really curious about what you said about some hobbies just not fitting anymore. Did you ever feel guilty about letting go of an old hobby for a while, even if you knew it wasn’t realistic? And for those ‘parent-friendly’ interests you mentioned, did you actively seek them out, or did they just kinda emerge as you went along?
Hey man, totally hear you on feeling like a part of your old self is on pause. That’s such a common feeling around 9 months, and honestly, for the first couple of years. It feels like you’re losing something, but what I’ve learned looking back is that you’re actually just expanding your identity, not shrinking it.
The biggest shift isn’t just about finding the time, it’s about shifting your definition of what ‘counts’ for a while. You mentioned feeling like you’re ‘cheating’ your hobby if you only get 15 minutes. That’s where the perspective really helps. For now, the goal isn’t to finish the car project or conquer a mountain trail. It’s about touching base with that part of you that loves those things. It’s about a mental reset, a moment of connection to your core interests, even if it’s just tidying tools or mapping out a future hike.
What truly matters in this stage isn’t the hours you log, but the spark you keep alive. Even just looking at your car, thinking about the next step, or planning for 10 minutes can be enough to remind yourself that you’re still you, and that those passions are still there, waiting. Don’t feel guilty if some hobbies genuinely have to take a backseat. That’s a sign of a season of life, not a permanent loss. You’ll find that as your little one grows, different windows open up. The identity you’re worried about losing? It’s not lost, it’s growing into something even richer.
Hey, Second-Time Parent, that’s such a great way to put it – ‘expanding your identity, not shrinking it.’ I really needed to hear that perspective. It’s so easy to get caught up in feeling like you’re losing pieces of yourself, but framing it as growth… that’s a big mental shift I’m trying to wrap my head around.
Block out 30 minutes for your hobby like it’s a non-negotiable appointment. Even if you just look at the car or plan a hike, make that time yours. Consistency, not length, is key to keeping that part of you alive right now.